Monday, July 18, 2005

The Loose Thread, or Butch By Default

In heterosexual relationships, there are usually two partners, although I have heard of relationships with more than two partners, most straight people I know have either a husband, or a wife. Since this is reality to them, this is how they often define alternative relationships. I have often been asked by well meaning straight people, "Which one of you is, uhmm, the man?" I then feel as if it is my duty to lesbians everywhere to educate these well meaning straight people and tell them that in a lesbian relationship there is no man. For breeders, this is a hard concept to swallow, (oops, that was completely unintended) because the very fabric of society is built around the idea of Penis Power. But fabric, like penises can become completely unwound with just a slight tug on a loose thread, and all of a sudden, there you are, not bound by marriage to some asshole who expects you to take the kids to school in the morning because you make less money than he does, but sitting in a pile of loose yarn, examining the truths that once bound you, and realizing that they have become with just a slight bit of pressure, just a pile of garbage that you should sweep up.

The penis is completely unnecessary. This is the thread that unravels society. Pull on it if you dare.

Without men, of course, there are naturally tasks that men traditionally do that need to be taken up by women. Who changes the tire? Who takes out the trash? Who steps on the spider crawling across the living room floor? In lesbian relationships, it is usually the butch. In my own relationship, it has been decidedly difficult to determine which one of us is butch. We both wear make-up. I have a purse, and A does not. I wear heels, and A does not. I know how to change a tire, A. does not. A. knows about things like duvet covers and I don't. I can cook, and A. can't. It's not really a competition, because knowing how to change a tire and knowing how to cook do not really constitute victory. Victory is defined as a happy relationship, no matter what your skills are. Skills contribute to partnership, skills are good. Still the question remains, who takes out the trash? Obviously, we both are skilled enough to do the job. In almost every relationship, trash duty falls to the butch.

So how can you tell who is the butch? If you are both kind of gurlie, then I have a fool proof way to determine who gets trash duty. It's a simple question.

Which one of you is more likely to pee outdoors?

Me personally, I don't care. If you have to pee, then you have to pee. It doesn't matter to me whether or not there is a designated place, I can't just hold it indefinitely, pee, once manufactured, must be expelled. I prefer a clean and sanitary restroom, but if one is not available, then expell it, I will. A, my partner has developed the skill of being able to hold it for miles until we drive by the Hyatt Regency, and have to stop for dinner, even though we're not hungry. It usually costs me $120 to stop to use the restroom and have dinner. Not only is it expensive, but now I am the designated butch, and not only do I have to cook, I have to take out the trash.

But hey, doesn't that give me a free pass to lay around and watch basketball on the weekends?

4 Comments:

Blogger Neil said...

Hard to swallow?
Pull on it if you dare?

I do love your sense of humor -- and your way with words.

Speaking for hetero men everywhere, I can assure you that even we do not want a world with more penis power -- the damn thing already makes way too many decisions.

1:10 PM  
Blogger Polisci101 said...

Hey Tankwoman,
You had posted under my friend's blog [AngryDemocratForum] as the Blue Crew, and I linked over here from that. I want to say right away that I really like what you wrote under your description of Blue Crew, in that "it wasn't always like this."
That really resonated with me, because those are my feelings exactly. I wasn't even involved in politics prior to the 2000 election. I figured the folks that got into this and ran things were competent and could steer this thing. Not any more. This country has become a scary, scary place, and it's comforting to find other people that share your ideals and beliefs. I don't feel so alone now.
Your site looks cool and I'll visit back when I've got more time to read up. In the meantime, "Power to the Blue Crew" and keep up the good work, all of you!
Regards,

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10:39 PM  
Blogger Gerrit Bosman said...

Wow, so little I know, so much to learn, you realy amazed me.
I am a man, you know, never realy think long about peeing in the wild (in Holland where I live you can get a penalty for 'wild-peeing' as they call it). Never ever thought that peeing and putting out the garbage were related! Have a penis to, don't want to mis it. Have a girlfriend and two beautifull kids.

Now I am the one who puts the garbage container on the street. Actualy, as you can see on my blog, I am also the one that has to trample it when it gets full. Maybe this is because I am the one of us that likes to have a crap outdoors. I think nothing beats having a crap outside, in the fiels or in the forrest, walking with my dog. I don't know if they give a fine for this.

But hey, I also am the one that cooks, I make the kids their lunch, I prepare their fruit for school. That's because I have my business at home. But the main reason to work at home is that I desperately wanted to take care for the kids. So, is my bitch the butch? (I never ever call here bitch because she realy isn't, my daughter is, that's in here genes, my genes, but I love the alliteration).

Now I am sleeping with my friend, double penispower, who has to put the garbage out? Is there a butch in gay men relationships? How do you determine who is? And when one of them is not gay but bisexual? I cook, he doesn't, I can fix everything, he's clumsy.

I think putting out the garbage has to become an item in the discussion with both of them. You realy made a point here and I don't want to put out the garbage anymore without knowing if that makes me the butch.

11:19 PM  

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